The first 3 weeks...

I have now been in Thailand for over 6 weeks and I apologize for not writing.  This means 2 things, one, I’m having a great time and don’t really have the extra time to write (unlike China when I was bored out of my mind) and two, nothing that exciting has really happened here….haha, just kidding.

I will start from the beginning and when I get to the end…stop.

Taxi Mafia:  Phuket has was it called the Taxi Mafia.  It’s run by the Russian mob, and is designed to steal as much money from foreigners for a ride, as possible.  After my long flight to Phuket, I just wanted to head to my hotel to sleep.  As I stepped out of the Airport, I was ambushed by taxi drivers wanting to take me to my destination.  I was searching for a taxi stand, but it was basically impossible with the waves of little brown men attacking me.  One of the men in charge showed me a map of the island and showed me how far it was from the airport to Naiharn Beach, and it was a ways.  He told me that is would cost 1900 baht.  I said it was too much, and he dropped it down to 1500.  Well look at me.  Bartering as soon as I got here.  I was pretty proud of myself.  Come to find out, everyone else on the trip paid 800.  I’m an idiot.  The mafia got me.

The All Seasons Hotel Naiharn Beach, where I stayed for over 3 weeks was a beautiful location.  The water was warm and the waves were out of control. 

Stray Cat Strut:  There are so many stray cats and dogs on the island.  And knowing my love of animals, I was bound to get in trouble.  One night after a few cocktails, I ended going home with a friend…a little black baby kitten.  I loved that kitten for all of one night.  The next morning I showed the kitten to my Thai housekeeper and gave her some extra money (100 baht, which is like $3) to take care of her.  I went to class that day and was so excited to visit my new furry pet during my break.  On my return, I was unable to find the kitty.  I went and found my housekeeping lady to ask her about the cat.  She said “I was cleaning bathroom and cat went jump and run out.”  Hmmm.  This kitten was all of 5 inches high and highly unlikey to have jumped off the bed on her own.  The next day in class there was an announcement made.  “Please do not let the stray animals into your room.  It is against hotel policy”.  Whoopsie!!

Lady Boys:  I love me some lady boys.  They’re very popular around Thailand, and even more popular in my heart.  One night a friend and I asked a Tuk Tuk (taxi) to take us to a bar.  I found my Oasis, the land of lady boys, karaoke, and a stripper pole right in the middle of the stage.  Best night ever.

My Friend Robyn and I will my favorite ladyboy!!

Me singing up a storm....Not sure what is on my head :)

Phuket was like that for the next 3 weeks…amazing!!!

Amanda and I posing with a big ole elephant at the Phuket Elephant Camp.

Me and a baby elephant. 

I have now settled in a town called Bua Bang Thong, right outside of Bangkok.  I am at school 48 hours per week and teach 24 classes each week, with 37 2^nd, 3^rd, and 4^th graders in each class.  I am tired!

More to come soon…

In other news, my book has finally been published...woo hoo!!

Click Here to Purchase Michael's Magic Globe

Love and Miss you all,

Jamie

Phuket...in Phuket

So, it’s been almost a year since my first blog and I’ve actually received some good feedback, so if this sucks, I blame all of you for your blatant encouragement, which I really do appreciate more than you know.  I named my original blog “Phuket, I’m going to China”, out of complete ignorance of where Phuket was.  It was obviously a dirty “play on words”, as I have a rather filthy mouth, but what else do you expect from me!!

Now I am really going to Phuket (actually I’m already here).  It makes my title either really clever or that of an ignorant American who doesn’t actually know geography that well.  Even though I know it’s the latter, I will continue under this name.

I got to spend a month at home which was a crazy cluster of visitations, but so wonderful to see everyone.  I got the chance to go to 2 amazing weddings, which was super fun.  I was also overloaded with trying to catch up, rekindle, and pack for my next adventure.  During that time I went to Myrtle Beach. We had an amazing time, giant Ferris wheel, boat-tubing in a lake, and a helicopter ride.

My New Boyfriend

This guy was staying at the hotel, too.

On the last day of the trip we weren’t checking out until later that evening.  I went downstairs to the pool around 4.  As I entered the pool an inebriated guest thought doing a cannonball in 4ft water was a super idea.  In order to make sure not a drop of that pool water landed in my cocktail, I took a step to the left off a 3 inch drop (which I did not know was there.)  I fell and twisted my ankle pretty good.  (Side Note:  I did not spill my drink!!)   As many of you know, I walked and danced on that foot until the day before I left when I decided maybe I should have it checked out before I head to Thailand.  It was still so swollen.  I knew this was an injury cankle, not just a fat person cankle.  So, yes, I broke my ankle/foot in 2 places.  A fracture in my tibia, as well as my fibula.  It’s not in a “weight bearing” place which is why I can walk on it.  I got an air cast (boot), which I have to wear for 2 weeks.  O’Well, what can you do.

I will start off my trip to Thailand saying that 16 hours in Economy Class sucks.  It sucks a lot.  I do not recommend it to anyone.  I made it here with no problems though, other than that.

The hotel I’m staying at it great, and it will be the one I will stay at for the remainder of my stay in Phuket.  It’s called the All Seasons Naiharn Phuket.

I also made my first friend.  He was in the bathroom, so I took him outside where he belonged.

Not a Huge Fan :(

Chickadee China, the Chinese Chicken...

I found out that I would have another vacation before I head home, so I decided I would really like to go to Anji.  It’s actually a part of Huzhou, (where I am), but a different county up in the mountains.  Anji is where all the bamboo trees are, where they filmed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.  I had worked for this guy Gary who owns a school a couple of times, and he gave me the phone number to an American, Branden, living in Anji.  After texting a few time with Branden, he said he had a friend coming up and I could take a ride with him.  Awesome.

This guy Kevin and his girlfriend and 2 more guys, brothers and I all drove up to Anji together.  I was excited that a lot of people were going.  It took just a little over an hour to get there after picking up beer and food for the trip.  The scenery on the way was really beautiful. 

Anji

The hotel we’re staying at is a B&B owned by this awesome family.  Checking the place out, I see the back yard, which is all mountains, is full of chickens.  The grandfather at the place was out there trying to catch us some dinner.  When he caught his foul, he nicely asked me if I wanted to kill it, by handing me a razor blade.  Hard pass on that one sir.  Next was time to clean the chicken.  I had to watch the whole process because it was new to me and pretty interesting.

The "boy" cleaning up the chicken.

 

Later, we headed out to go swimming in the mountains.  We hiked up rocks, and through small streams to get to this beautiful area to go swimming.  It was pretty amazing.  In the evening we had dinner (I tried pig intestines, and did not like them), and we drank beer, and listened to Jack Johnson.  Almost reminded me of home. 

Dinner Time

 

Making New Friends

 

Branden and Tony at the Swimming Pool

 

View from the Pool

The next morning I had a knock on my door around 8am.  The little 5 year old, who I will refer to as “boy” since I do not know his name, wanted to play with me and my Kindle.  That thing is a “kid magnet”.  It was a fun morning of Temple Run and Fruit Ninja.

The "boy" and his Grandpa drinking a Corona.

 

Later that day, I went downstairs and didn’t know where anyone else was.  The family invited me to eat lunch with them, which I was happy to.  There were shrimp and crawfish, all with the shells (not too easy to get off with chopsticks), and some snail like creatures they taught me I had to basically suck out of the shell.  It was almost impossible to have any table manners.  Thank goodness I was in Bamboo town, so there was always that to eat.  The family didn’t really speak English, but pulled out a book to tell me it was nice to meet me.  It was really sweet.  They also fed me beer and bái jiǔ at 11 am, so that made me happy (and a little buzzed) too.   For the rest of the day we went swimming again in the mountains, had dinner (hot pot, and I had pig skin (do not like that either)), drank more beer, played games, and listened to music.  All together it was an awesome trip and I met some amazing people.

View from my Room

I now will teach for the next 13 days straight, have a day to pack, and then ready for the long ass trip home.

See you Soon!!!

Jamie

 

 

 

  
 

Less than a month to go...time to gripe...

I try not to complain about the Chinese people, but I have some issues.  These are the types of things that they don't realize is a little rude, but in America, they would be.

 

5 Things the Chinese Moms should have taught their children, but didn’t, because no one taught them:

1.        Please don’t litter.  One day I saw a teenage girl turn around and just toss her cup on the ground like it was no big deal.  If I spoke the language, I definitely would’ve said something.  There was a trash barrel only 10 feet away.  I am still angry that I didn’t just pick it up, give her a look, and throw it away myself.  Speaking of litter, it should include bodily fluids, as well.  No spitting…it’s gross.  Also, have I mentioned that the children don’t wear diapers?  Their pants already have a split in it so they can go in the street.  I’ve never seen poo, but I have seen parents bring their kids over to the street drains to relieve themselves.

2.       Don’t stare…it’s just rude.  If you want to look at someone, at least give them a smile.  Sometimes I feel daggers.

3.       If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This goes back to the “trying to be helpful”.  “You look tired today, did you get enough sleep”.  “If you did more exercise you could lose weight” (didn’t ask how to lose weight…and I know!!)  “You’re not beautiful, you’re charming”  (what, am I now the girl with the good personality??)  “That’s all you make, you should make more money”.

4.       Don’t smack your lips when you eat, or talk with your mouth full, or burp at the dinner table, or spit your bones right onto the table.  Man, these people could use some table manners.

5.       There is always a better place than work to clip your fingernails.  I saw one teachers doing it, and I thought it was a one-time thing.  Then the receptionist at the school was clipping her nails right at the reception desk…not just one little nail…but the whole damn set.

 

This was the newspaper that the flight attendants gave me on my flight home from Sanya. 

Obviously it wasn't personally directed at me, but I think even the paper is a little rude!!! 

Haha...can't wait to come home!!!!

 

 

Oh my aching back...

Normally I wouldn’t post 2 blogs so close to each other, but I have to write about this before I forget.  Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I started by going to yoga and then one of the girls invited me over for lunch.  She said she would drive me to her apartment on her E-bike (Electric bike, and please note, you do not need a license to drive one).  This will be the first time I have ever been on one.  After class we walked to where all the E-bikes were parked.  There are all different sizes and I was hoping hers was a little bigger, since, I’m a little bigger.  Nope, she has the Charlie Brown of E-bikes.  It was small and looked like it was going to fall apart.  As we began to ride she was a little wobbly, like it was the first time she had ever ridden it.  Obviously it was the first time she ever rode it with someone of my size on the back.  I asked her if she was ok, and offered to pay for a taxi, but nope, she wanted to drive me the 20 minutes to her place in China traffic.  Luckily, we made it in one piece, but I have to admit I was scared the whole time.

After lunch, which was very good, I took a taxi home.  I decided today would be a good day to get a massage.  I hadn’t got one in China yet and felt like after yoga and the stressful ride, it would be the best thing to relax me.  I was still a little gross from yoga, so I took a shower first.  When I arrived at the Spa, they were very excited to have a foreigner there, almost a little too excited.  The girl brought me to the back and told me to take a shower.  I tried to explain that I just took one, and showed her my hair was still wet, but she wasn’t having it, so I just took another shower.  After that they brought me to another room where a girl began blow drying my hair.  I thought it was so weird.  As she is drying my hair a few of the other girls come in to basically just watch.  Then the questions began.  What do you do, where are you from, are you married, how old are you.  Do they not realize a massage is supposed to be a relaxing experience??

Next they all take me to the massaging room.  Yes, it took all 3 of them,  and one of them was always holding my hand.  Now I’m ready for my massage.  I lie on the table and await my relaxing rubdown.  Just then someone else comes in, and says “I’m just coming to the spa too, they wanted me to make sure you are alright?”  They actually asked a customer to come talk to me while I’m naked and face down on the table.  “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”.  Oh god.  The first part of the massage was really good.  It actually hurt because it was so deep, but it was exactly what I needed.

After about 30 minutes, they gave me a little break.  The masseuse when to get some tools of torture, while another girl decided she wanted to come in and have a little chat.  (Yes, I’m still face down and naked).  She must have thought I didn’t understand English either because she spoke really loudly, the way some people do when they think you can’t understand them.                “DO YOU LIKE THE WEATHER??” “YOUR NAILS ARE BEAUTIFUL” “YOU ARE A TEACHER??”.  I actually kept laughing and hoped she couldn’t tell, but it was all I could really do.  It was so awkward and funny at the same time.

Finally, the other girl came back.  And when I say “tools of torture”, I’m not kidding.  I can take a good amount of pain, but this was ridiculous.  She was scraping my back with something for like 5 minutes and it killed.  If I spoke the language I would have probably asked her to stop, but I figured it would be over soon.

So, the massage is over.  I go downstairs to pay and the girl in charge told me to come back another time for a facial.  It’s only $15, so I said I would.  She also asked me for my number and then told me we were friends.

I went home after and discovered something.

This is me after being scraped by my massage!

 

 

I think I'm going to pass on that facial!!!

Trip to Sanya...

I went on vacation by myself once to St. Thomas.  It was on my bucket list after going out to eat by myself, and seeing a movie alone.  It wasn’t the best experience, kind of boring, so I never thought I would do it again.  In St. Thomas, I stayed in a hostel-like place with a private room.  This time, I was going to upgrade.

I was told that I would have 10 days off, so I needed something to so.  I decided to go to Sanya, Hainan.  It is the southern most point of China.  I found a hotel that is more resort-like.  Pool, bar, restaurant, beach…etc.  I also never thought I would travel alone in China, as I do not speak Chinese, but I had to take the chance.

Day one.  Went to get a taxi to the bus station.  It was around 8am, and my bus would leave for the airport at 8:40 (only a 15 minute ride…plenty of time, right?)  It was sprinkling out, and the Chinese do not like their rain, so all the walkers, fearing melting, were taking up all the taxis.  I got that sick feeling in my stomach, that I would miss my bus, and from there, miss my flight, and so on.  Finally, I got a taxi and made it to my bus just in time.  I arrived in Sanya around 6pm, after a 2 hour flight delay.

The hotel was amazing, and for $60 per night, a freaking steal.  The pool is right outside my door, so lazy me loves it.  The beach is just steps away.  They have American food (Ok, really Russian food, but its closer to American food than Chinese)  They had Cheeseburgers!!!

 

This is the view of Sanya from the pool.  (I didn't take many pics)

Sanya is the Caribbean for the Russians.  So many tourists, but still no English.  Many of the Chinese employees would say “Ruski??”, and I was like, NO, English!!

These 2 Russian ladies were staying at my hotel.  They were drunk all the time.  I watched the one on the left get into an angry splash fight with a group of Chinese boys.  She was seriously angry.   I'm not sure how it started, but it was hilarious.

 

 

I decided to take a walk on the beach my first day.  As I get to the end, I notice a gentleman wearing skin colored shorts…whoops, no it was his bum.  Then I saw another one.  It was time to turn around.

Giant yellow duck on the beach.  There were some performers.  It was funny.  Sorry, no pictures of the naked bums!!!

I thought that being in a tourist spot, my being American, wouldn’t be so interesting.  After the first person asked to take their picture with me I realized I was mistaken.  The police also asked to take my picture, and put me in a video for tourism.  I want to say that it bothers me, but I love the attention.

I did end up meeting a Chinese guy who was travelling alone.  It was nice to have some company.  We went to dinner and swimming, and to the carnival.  After that, he asked to be my Chinese boyfriend.  I said “no, thank you”.  The Chinese are a very nice people, but sometimes too nice for their own good.  They feel the need to “help” you with everything.  It’s to the point where they think they know better and you should listen to them.  Not exactly what I’m looking for in a boyfriend.

Here is a woman I met at dinner one night.  The bottle next to be is a 5000Yuan bottle of Bai Jiu.  (Chinese wine).  That's almost $1000.  She kept giving me and my Chinese friends shots.  I have to say, the Chinese are a very generous people and bai jiu is deadly :)

 

I also ended up finding an American restaurant during my stay.  Oh, so happy…coronas, chicken wraps, club sandwich, long island iced tea.  I think I needed that American fix, so I wouldn’t completely stuff my face when I get home (which I’ll probably still do!!)

I stayed in Sanya for 8 nights.  It was much needed and a great getaway.

Now I’m back to teaching again, and still love it. 

 

-Jamie

Kids say the Damndest Things...

I have been teaching at a Public School every week.  The other week, I taught some 6th graders.   First of all, I'd like to add that I usually pick out the fattest kid to be my favorite...and they always are.  I was talking to them about the weather, and my pudgy little friend said he doesn't like the hot weather because he's so fat.  Bless his chubby little heart.

At the end of class while they were filling out some forms, I asked them if they had any questions for me.   One boy asked how old I was.  I told him 34 and my chunky buddy said I looked like I was 20.  If only they made adult sized versions of these little dumplings.

The next question was "how heavy are you?"  Not "how much do you weigh, but like, "damn girl, you heavy...how heavy are you??"  Ok, little bit of exaggeration, but that's how it felt.  I decided not to answer and he then asked my height...much more appropriate.  I am 175 centimeters.  Metric System.

Then I was asked if I was married, to which I said no.  After class a little girl came up to me and started saying something about a "left woman".  I wasn't sure what she was talking about, so I had her speak to another teacher.  Comes to find out, if you are over 30 and not married in China, you are a "left woman".  So, there you go.

And here's the class.

Love Always,

A heavy left woman.