Dinner for Schmucks...

Let me preface this in case you haven't seen the movie.  Paul Rudd's boss invites him to a special dinner where you basically have to bring the biggest loser as your guest.  He brings Steve Carell who makes dioramas out of dead mice...

Last week a friend of mine invited me to dinner for her mother's birthday.  As I showed up 20 minutes late, because the lack of taxis, I am, once again, the only American.  Not like I was shocked.  We all sit around a large round table in a private room where there is like a "lazy susan", as the food is passed around the table.  You just pick up the food with your chopsticks as it passes by.

The first thing that is asked is if I can use chopsticks.  I'm okay at it, but with everyone watching and my notoriously shaky hands, I was unable to pick anything up.  They laughed at me :(  Then the waitress brought me out a fork and spoon.  I was a little embarrassed but also relieved.

As the food went by, I had to ask what everything was.  I had the fish, which looked good until I realized there were tons of little bones in it that I kept spitting onto my plate.  Finally, I just started crunching them down to finish it.  I also enjoyed some frog (not bad), mutton (I now know why Elaine put it in her jacket pocket), and a few things that I decided I was better off not knowing what it was.  I was being watched with every bite I took.  If this was a test at eating, I was failing miserably.

My friend's father brought his own liquor stowed in water bottles.  The family felt the need to toast the stupid American all night long.  Even the grandmother.  I think they were trying to get me drunk so I would do tricks for them or something.  I did not...until the next day where I vomited all day long.  Like...ALL DAY LONG.  I guess I won the award for "Biggest Shmuck"!!